The Summer of '98 Page 23

  “Maybe she’s on a new dick.”

  “Would you shut up!”

  Noah sniggered and I picked up the closest item to me—which happened to be a bottle of water—and threw it at him so hard that his sandwich flew out of his hand when he tried to cover his face. Salad and meats covered the tabletop and himself.

  “My lunch!”

  “What is going on in here?” Mom’s voice had both of us turning our attention to the entryway where she stood with her travel bag behind her and an unimpressed frown as she took in the mess we’d just made. “I spend one night out of town and the phone is across the room and there’s salad all over the floor.”

  “Both are his fault,” Noah declared as he started picking bits of food up and putting them back on his plate. He did a piss-poor job of cleaning up before he started toward the corridor, calling over his shoulder as he left. “He’s out of control.”

  “Sorry, Mom,” I said, not bothering to deny it. “I’ll clean it up. How was the conference thing?”

  “It was fine,” she said. “Just the usual. Where’s Dad?”

  “He went to help Joe with his new deck or something,” I shrugged, recalling what Dad had told us about helping his friend earlier this morning. I stood to clean up the food.

  Mom intercepted me before I could crouch down and begin cleaning up. “Sweetheart, I know that you miss her but—”

  “I don’t just miss her, Mom.” I sighed with frustration because I felt like no one understood. “I’m worried. I’m worried about her. I don’t know how she is. I don’t know how she’s coping. I fucking hate this. I want to go there.”

  “I know,” she said, “But I don’t think that it’s a good idea to just show up. Give her some time. She’ll get in touch.”

  “She might not,” I snapped with immediate regret when Mom flinched. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . She might not get in touch. What if she’s unwell? Or she never made it home? What if something terrible happened?”

  Mom tilted her head, empathy in her stare. “I think that her mother would have been in touch with us if she hadn’t made it home. Perhaps they just need some time alone to get through what’s happened. Relax, okay?”

  It was easy for her to tell me to relax. She didn’t understand how hard it was to not hear a single word from the woman that I loved. Things had been perfect one minute and the next she was on a plane and she was gone. It was hard to accept. It was hard to be okay with her sudden departure. I wanted her back with me. I wanted to know that she was safe.

  Mom left me alone to clean up the mess, letting me know that she would be lying down if I needed her. What I needed was to clear my head. A walk or a run. I needed an outlet, and no one would practice football on a Saturday. So a solo jog would have to do. I finished sweeping up the bits of broken plastic when the door rattled open and closed, Cass calling out a greeting soon after.

  “Hey,” she smiled and leaned against the doorframe with folded arms as I closed the trash can lid. “Noah around?”

  “Upstairs,” I said.

  She looked as though she was going to spin around and take off. But she paused and fixed me with a stare that was full of sympathy. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, Cass. Thanks.”

  She pursed her lips, not looking convinced. “Noah and I are going to the movies tonight. Want to come?”

  “No,” I said without hesitation. The last thing that I would want to do is third wheel a date with those two. It sounded like a nightmare.

  She laughed but seemed to understand as she nodded and twisted on her heel, leaving me alone again. Which is what I’d wanted—a bit of space to get my thoughts together. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have minded forgetting altogether. I hadn’t been this torn up over something in a long time and I hated it. But I hated getting blackout drunk more. So, substance wasn’t an option.

  Sorrowful thoughts and a depressive mood lingered and wrapped around me while I pulled my shoes on at the door. It had been a long two weeks. A hard two weeks that were miserable in comparison to the time that I’d spent with the beautiful girl who had done a disappearing act on me. Despite not wanting her to get rid of the child, I supported her and was going to do whatever she needed of me. Things were right when she left. It just . . . it didn’t make sense.

  I pulled the door open and felt my stomach flip. There she stood in front of me. A sundress flowing from her figure, her soft blond waves loose around her shoulders. She looked tired, perhaps upset, but she looked beautiful. “Ellie?”

  “Hi, L—”

  Her words were cut off when I pulled her into my arms and held her, hoping that this was real. The scent of her fruity shampoo filled me with relief, giving me affirmation that she was really back and I wasn’t imagining it. When I cupped her face and leaned back so that I could get a good look at her, I stilled, my thumb pausing mid-stroke against her freckled cheek.

  “What the hell happened to your face?” I took her chin in my hand, turning her head to the side so that I could get a better view of the red abrasion that had swelled her cheek. She became flustered and I felt immediate aggression toward whoever the fuck put their hands on her. “Who did that?”

  “Can I come in?”

  I reached down and took her suitcase before ushering her inside. Her sweet scent fanned me as she brushed past and my chest tightened, my need to be near her was stronger than ever.

  Before she could move even a mere few feet, I gripped her waist and pulled her toward me again, taking a handful of those soft curls as I cradled her head and kissed her. It was like being able to breathe again. The weight lifted from me, my head felt clearer, and I sighed in relief as she kissed me back with equal need. I was scared that something had changed between us. But she ran her fingers into my hair and pushed her entire frame against me, her tongue moving fast with mine.

  I could have stayed like that for the longest time. I could have kept kissing her, holding her, feeling her, never letting her go again. But her soft sob and damp cheeks caused me to break apart and I became alarmed to see that she was crying, tears running down her face.

  “Ellie,” I cupped either side of her neck, my thumbs stroking circles on her jaw. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  “I don’t deserve you,” she stared up at me. “I don’t. Leroy, I’m so sorry—”

  “Stop, Ellie, stop.” I attempted to calm her down as I swung the door shut. We didn’t need an audience, so I quickly led her upstairs and closed my bedroom door. She was still shaking with sobs and my heart ached at how distraught she looked. “Talk to me, baby, what’s going on?”

  She inhaled a shaking breath and wiped under her eyes. “You don’t even seem mad that I disappeared for two weeks.”

  “I’m just relieved to see that you’re okay.” I caught her hand before she could drop it. “Except for that bruise. Who did that? What happened?”

  “I don’t even know where to start.”

  She stared at the floor and nibbled on her lip, so I led her toward the bed and sat down, pulling her into my lap. “Start wherever you want, beautiful. I’m listening.”

  She lifted a hand and caressed my jaw as she smiled with appreciation. Tears had given a glow to her green gaze. They shone brighter than usual. However beautiful they were, I would take their previous color in exchange for knowing that she wasn’t hurting.

  “Well, I’ll put it simply,” she said. “I decided to keep the baby. And Momma wasn’t pleased,” she added, pointing to her bruised and scratched cheek. “That about covers it all.”

  There was nothing casual about what she said but she’d delivered it almost flippantly. I stilled, staring at her as my heartbeat sped up a little. I didn’t know how to respond. She . . . she was still pregnant. That was the last thing that I had expected. But her mother had done that to her. Her mother had hit her. It made me sick.

  �
��I’ve rendered you speechless,” she laughed. “I’d be proud of that but you’re not that vocal to begin with.”

  “You’re still pregnant?”

  She nodded and picked up my hand, placing it on her stomach. Her fingertips caressed the top of mine as she spoke. “I couldn’t do it. We made this baby with love. I fell in love with him or her whether I wanted to or not.”

  There was more that I wanted to know. More questions to ask. But instead I gripped her waist and threw her down on the bed, hovering above her as I kissed her. Her soft hands clasped the back of my neck, her grip rough and urgent, and her legs wound themselves around my waist. She was back. Back here with me. Carrying our child who we would love and raise together because no matter what, I would stand by her and protect her and never let her down.

  The door swung open. “Leroy I ha—”

  Mom’s voice came to a stop as I peered behind me and felt Ellie still. She became so still that she didn’t even try to correct her position. It was like she was hoping she wouldn’t be seen if she just stopped moving.

  I was about to move off Ellie when Mom sighed and gripped the door handle, leaving as she spoke. “Guess she can’t get more pregnant than she already is.”

  When she was gone, I glanced down at Ellie, who had turned a bright red. We both laughed and the sound of her elated melody made me soar. Our mouths met again, tongues colliding. There were so many emotions that I wanted to express but couldn’t find the words, so I hoped that she understood how I felt through our kiss because our love had a language of its own and our bodies never failed to say what our mouths couldn’t.

  Ellie

  The outdoor furniture had been set for dinner that night. It was a beautiful evening, not too hot, not too cold. Noah, Eleanor, and Jacob were seated and waiting when Leroy and I stepped onto the back deck, hand in hand. It would be a lie to claim that I wasn’t nervous, but even so, I was comfortable back in this familiar setting. To be honest, I might have grown up in a two-bedroom home in Waco, but it was here where my heart rate was steadiest, where my walls were right down, where I felt I belonged.

  Jacob smiled from the head of the table as we sat down. “Good to have you back, darlin’.”

  His warm welcome rendered me speechless. It was still hard to comprehend the kindness that these people had shown me.

  Noah gave me a subtle chin nod, but his attention, as well as Eleanor’s, was fixated on the small gash in my cheek. It didn’t hurt but it was blatant.

  “You all right, sweetheart?”

  “Actually, I’m great. Because of you. I seriously don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up. I’m—thank you. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to make it up to you.”

  “You don’t have to,” she said, sliding a bowl of salad toward us. “You’re family. We love you and we want you to be happy and safe and healthy. You hear?”

  More tears stung my eyes. I’d lost count of how often I’d cried in the last two weeks, but it was getting ridiculous. Hormones had to be the blame—there was no other reason for it. Well, aside from the copious amount of support I’d been shown here. Her words would have made me sob even if I hadn’t been pregnant.

  “I was never going to say anything,” she continued. “Because it would have come across as pressure, but wow am I thrilled to be a grandmother soon. It’s hard being sixty-three and not even having the privilege of grandchildren.”

  We both laughed and when I looked at Leroy, his face was so full of emotion that it almost winded me. He looked proud, in love, grateful. Eleanor wasn’t the reason that I’d changed my mind about keeping the baby, but it was a bonus to see how excited she was. There was no mistaking how blessed I was to have this level of love around me at a time like this. Women my age and older struggle with parenthood all the time and I knew that it would come with challenges, but I was in a place of privilege and I wouldn’t take that for granted. Not ever.

  “So, I know an OB-GYN that could see you here in Castle Rock?” She offered. “She’s the best of the best. I can make the phone call if you’d like?”

  Noah screwed up his face. “Do we have to talk about vagina doctors at dinnertime?”

  Jacob lowered the fork that he’d been directing into his mouth and gave Noah a flat stare.

  “Have you had a dating scan?” she continued, ignoring Noah, and I shook my head. “We’ll get one of those booked in at the radiologist as well. They do a few different things at the dating scan. Check the baby’s organs and that sort of thing.”

  “I think I’m about eleven weeks along,” I told her, feeling a warmth in my cheeks. “I know when . . . it . . . you know . . . happened. So, I counted from my last period.”

  “Oh, right,” Eleanor said. Leroy dished pasta onto my plate; his mother gave me a thoughtful look. “You didn’t notice how late your period was?”

  “Fuck sakes,” Noah threw his hands up, speaking with a mouthful of food.

  Jacob clipped him across the head. “Language.”

  “I’m trying to eat and you’re talking about pissing blood. It’s disgusting.”

  “Dude!” Leroy said. “Grow up.”

  “No, I didn’t notice,” I tried to navigate the conversation back into a calmer state before it spiraled. “But I’d never paid it much attention before. Oblivious, I know.”

  “You might not need a dating scan, then, if you’re quite sure of the date and that sort of thing. You could wait for the twelve-week scan instead.”

  “Oh . . . what do you think I should do?”

  Leroy leaned in a little closer. “It’s up to you, baby.”

  “We can just wait and do the twelve-week scan,” I said.

  “Do you have any allergies?” Eleanor asked.

  “Nope.”

  “I’ll get some prenatal vitamins from the pharmacy tomorrow then.”

  My head was a mess of thoughts and words that I wanted to express but somehow, nothing seemed adequate. “Thank you.” I settled on simple and hoped she knew how much I meant it. “Thank you so much.”

  The sun was still a few hours from setting, but it was darkening into that burnt-orange dusk shade that casts a blinding light the lower it goes. The back garden was illuminated, flecks of evening sun touching the pool surface, the plants, and behind the fence palings so that it shone through the gaps.

  “You been sick at all, darlin’?” Jacob asked.

  “Not so far.”

  “That’s good. Don’t want to be stressing out about Eleanor’s slippers, do we?”

  There was a collective laugh around the table and my face ignited, hot and humiliated at the reminder of my first night here. His teasing was harmless, though. That was just Jacob, so I joined in and felt lighter than I had in a long time.

  Noah’s laughter subsided and he fixed Leroy and me with a sarcastic smile. Something told me that we were about to hear something that we didn’t want to. “I love how we’re all laughing over the fact that Leroy got a girl pregnant but if it was me, I’d be getting the life beaten out of me.”

  Eleanor tilted her head in disappointment. “Honey, you’ve been wonderfully sensible and wise not to get a girl pregnant. You have our permission to hold this over your brother’s head for the rest of his life.”

  Leroy’s jaw dropped. “What?”

  Jacob raised a palm. “You messed up, no offense, son, but he can have this one.”

  Noah looked proud of himself—I couldn’t blame him.

  After dinner and wash-up, Leroy and I disappeared back upstairs so that we could lock ourselves up, appreciate our aloneness, and make up for the two weeks we’d spent apart.

  Leroy slept so peacefully. His expression was relaxed, his features smooth. Even the edges of his lips curled up a little. I didn’t know if that was because of me or not. But it was a nice thought. Our bodies were tangled under the shee
ts of his double bed. Now that I was already pregnant, the rules about separate rooms were unnecessary. His dark-blue walls kept it from getting too bright, despite the sun streaming through the large window that stretched the length of his wall. The heat was awful and our limbs were damp with sweat. But I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. Being beside him again, it was perfect.

  I reached out and ran a finger down the length of his exposed chest, biting down on my lip as I felt the grooves and dips of his muscles. He was so beautiful, so sweet and caring. I couldn’t imagine getting sick of being beside him. This felt like home. It was comforting, soothing. The sadness that I’d felt over what happened with Momma was dull. My heart was full of love that I knew he returned.

  He started to stir; a soft yawn followed by lip smacking before his hand found mine on top of his chest. His eyes remained closed, but he held my hand and squeezed. “Morning, baby.” His rasp was heart-clenching. Everything about him drove me wild and I couldn’t believe that I’d gone an entire two weeks without him. I never wanted to do that again.

  When I didn’t answer, he tilted his head and peered at me with one eye open. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I leaned up on an elbow. “I just missed you. A lot. I’m glad that your mom is fine with us sharing a bed.”

  “You wanna do something today?”

  I looked up at Leroy while he waited for an answer to his question. His arm was wrapped around me, his hand rubbing soft circles on my shoulder while I rested on his chest. There was no feeling better than being held in his incredibly strong arms.

  “Yeah, what should we do?”

  “It’s a surprise.”

  It didn’t matter that I pleaded for him to fill me in—he didn’t budge. It wasn’t until we were in a furniture store full of brand-new sofas, tables, desks, and beds that he told me what we were doing.

  “A sofa?”

  “Yeah,” Leroy nodded. He rested his hands on his hips and glanced around the furniture store before his gaze fell back on me. “You’re coming to Baylor with me, right? We’ll have our own place. We should get a sofa.”